• kaidyn carroll

Facing Insecurities

After years of hiding away from my insecurities, I decided to acknowledge them, and I challenge you to do the same. We may think we are stronger to suppress our faults and put on a front, but recently I have realized that the most secure people are okay with the idea that they may not be perfect and instead accept themselves for who they are.

Insecurities. We all have them, and you're lying if you say you don't. I like to suppress mine, act like they're not there. It works in a sense because I don’t give them power, but that doesn’t change that they are present, deep in my subconscious. The only time I have ever discussed my insecurities was one time years ago-and that’s it. I liked it this way, I thought it was better, but I'm here to tell you it's not.

Recall a day where your insecurities got the best of you, a day where you pushed someone away because you were facing an internal battle but didn’t have the courage to express that. Instead of expressing the insecurities, you hid them and alternatively pushed away people close to you so much that they left. In their head, they left you because they felt unwanted. In reality, it wasn't that you didn't want them; it was that you didn't want them to see you so vulnerably. You were scared. You didn't want them to see your faults buried within. Initially, you hid the insecurities to keep them around, but failing to be open and honest can sometimes result in a diminishing relationship or the loss of it altogether.

If you start to see a relationship fade when you don’t want it to, you need to be honest. That's when you need to be vulnerable; you may have to sit in front of someone and straight sob, expressing why you've been distant. You may be scared to do this because what if they invalidate your emotions, what if they don’t handle it well, what if they take it the wrong way, but that's when we have to remember that the right people will go about it in the most comforting way. The wrong people won't be able to handle it, and if they can't, I promise you, that person doesn't deserve to be around in the first place.

I've never been one to be open about the fact that I have insecurities or what they are, but recently I finally have come to terms with them, acknowledging internally that I have them, and they don't HAVE to be suppressed. For the first time in years, I brought it up to one of my close friends, telling her about a situation where my insecurities tore me apart inside, resulting in self-sabotage. I had hidden these feelings, acting as they weren't there for months, but finally, I was able to admit how I felt and that I was okay with feeling that way. Knowing that one of my close friends is now aware of my insecurities is beyond comforting because I don't feel like I have to pretend anymore, pretend to constantly be happy, confident, whatever it is. Having someone close to us know our faults and accept us for them helps us realize that it's okay to not be perfect.

Acknowledging insecurities isn't easy, and even though I'm all for recognizing them, I think they're an intimate topic of discussion. Maybe it will take you a while to acknowledge them within yourself because it took me until recently to do so, but even just internally, coming to terms with them is a huge step. When we finally stop suppressing them and see that they're there, you would think it's worse this way, but it's not. You can hide, or you can acknowledge. Acknowledge doesn't mean letting them consume you; it's learning to live with them in a way where you're comfortable with yourself and your faults.

Facing our insecurities isn't easy, but it's necessary. If we fail to confront them, we may let them ruin something incredible. We may think it's better to avoid our insecurities, but we are stronger to accept them. Failing to accept them on our off days results in tearing ourselves apart internally for having any insecurities. However, when we accept them, our off days are filled with kindness towards ourselves, in that we may not be feeling 100%-and that's okay. The most secure people are okay with the idea that they may not be perfect and instead accept themselves for who they are. We all have insecurities; the key is how we go about them.

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