• kaidyn carroll

No One is Everything

Many of us expect everyone to be everything. We tend to write people off when they don't live up to these unrealistic expectations. However, no one is meant to be everything; we're meant to be who we are, the good and the bad. Let people disappoint you, or let them prove themselves to you, because then at least you are aware of their place in your life.

We see it in movies, tv shows, even in our own lives, when someone goes ahead and tells that one person: ‘you're my everything’. However, it's unfair to make one person our everything. No one can be everything. No one is meant to be everything, and to expect that of someone is setting ourselves up for disappointment. People serve purposes, people hold places, different people are good for different things, but not one person can be it all.

I used to expect all of my relationships to satisfy every need. I expected one person to be my funny friend, my fun party friend, my friend I go to with serious stuff, and my friend I can cry with. One person cannot be all this at once; it's simply impossible. Sure, one person can be multiple, but they cannot be everything. When I used to expect all of this from each relationship, I was constantly let down. I expected them to be everything, yet none of us are everything.

One night my dad told me I need to place people in boxes. I need to know when to go to what friends for what. He said if I want to have a good time, I will go to friend x; if I want to have a deep conversation, I go to friend y.

When my fun friend wasn't there for me when I was sad, I was confused - why don't they care? I thought automatically-OH they're a bad friend. Though, the issue wasn't exactly that; it was that I placed them in a box they weren't meant to be in. They are my fun friend, and maybe I can't expect them to be my compassionate friend too, and that's okay because I learned their place in my life. I was constantly placing people in boxes they weren't meant to be in. I was expecting too much from them, and when they failed to be there for me, I wrote them off as a bad friend. Maybe they're not actually a bad friend; they are not the ideal friend for whatever that situation may have been.

We all have our faults, and we have to accept them. As we become more aware of how we want to navigate our relationships, we learn that people serve purposes. Accepting that our expectations may be too high allows us to be okay with the circumstances and instead make the most of our friendships in ways where they can serve their purpose to the best of their ability.

No one can be everything, and that includes you. Don't only lower the expectations for others, but lower them for yourself. We aren't ever going to be the perfect sister, friend, bother, mom, whatever it is, because perfection is unfeasible. It's okay to not check every box, we're not supposed to. We’re not meant to be everything, we're meant to be who we are, good and bad. Without our faults, the boxes we do check wouldn't be of any value.

Reevaluate and reassess where people belong in your life. Maybe that means removing them completely, or maybe that means knowing where they belong in order to have a healthy relationship. It’s easy to write people off, to assume, to quickly place them in a box-it spares feelings. But that's exactly what you shouldn’t do. Be observant of their actions. Let them disappoint you, or let them prove themselves to you because no one can find their place in your life if you don’t give them a chance to.

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