• kaidyn carroll

The 'Fix it' Mindset

When faced with a problem, it is second nature to look for a quick solution. We fail to acknowledge that this principle can't always apply to relationships, something far more complex. As we confront adversities within relationships, we should communicate, act, and reevaluate, with the final act of reevaluation leaving us with the courage to potentially walk away.

When things go wrong, there is a simple answer - fix it. Though, that is not always the case. Having the ‘fix it’ mindset is good - you go after what you want, find a way around obstacles, believing that anything is possible. The idea of no excuses; if you really wanted something, you would go out and get it. I have always wholeheartedly believed that, especially as someone who loves being in control. This mindset may apply to almost everything, but keyword: almost. Sometimes we cannot apply this, and what I'm talking about here is within relationships. People in general, whoever it may be, we cannot control them. Trying to apply this mindset to our relationships could potentially sacrifice our well-being.

This year there have been points where I thought some of my relationships were falling apart, and as someone who values relationships more than anything, seeing people leave was tremendously emotionally damaging. Instead of letting the situation be, I chased them, thinking there had to be a fix, a solution. Applying my ‘fix it' mindset to these relationships did not help. Relationships cannot be treated like goals, like win or lose; they are far more complex. Sometimes I look at them logically, analyzing every action, but emotional hardships cannot be solved like solving a math problem. The potential 'solution' to any damaged relationship will vary based on the needs of each individual, but those needs will only be present through communication.

When facing difficulties in a relationship, all we can do is communicate. However, communicating does not mean chasing. Communicating is expressing how we feel, and that is the closest we can get to ‘fixing’ relationships. The effort will come, and if it's mutual, great, but if the actions fail to align with what is communicated, that's when it's time to give up. In every relationship, there are two sides. You could be doing absolutely everything on your side to fix it, but if the other side is not giving you anything, the relationship is never truly going to mend.

If you saw a close friend in a relationship, where they gave everything and received nothing in return, would you tell them to stay or leave? You would tell them to leave, that they deserve better-so why don't we tell ourselves this?

When we like someone, having hope they'll come around, it's easy to give them way more than we are receiving. At those times, it can be painful to match their energy, knowing once we do, there won't be much of a relationship left. But it should pain us more that we are putting our time and energy into someone that does not want us.

In a world where expressing emotions is sometimes frowned upon, with our minds programmed to fix every difficulty, it's time to recognize that relationships don't apply to this standard. We can't fix something that's meant to fall apart. We owe it to ourselves to realize this, allowing ourselves to finally leave in peace, accepting the loss of a fight we can't always win.

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