• kaidyn carroll

The Risk of Vulnerability

After many attempts to be open, and in return, facing distrust or disregard, it can be discouraging to continue to be vulnerable. At that point, taking the risk of vulnerability doesn't seem worth the pain. Though, that's every reason to keep pushing through these trials and errors. Eventually, the risk of vulnerability will be worth it, but that can only happen if we continue to face and conquer that risk.

Being vulnerable can be one of the hardest inner battles we face. I always keep my guard up. Though, once that guard is down, I'll do anything for a person, which is why I keep the guard up initially. In every relationship that comes my way, I stay closed off out of fear of getting hurt. It's funny because the only way to truly get close to someone is by letting our walls down. And once that guard is down, we’re vulnerable. At that point, we can now get hurt, we are allowing ourselves to feel and be open. It's such an incredible feeling finally being vulnerable, it may even take some time, but it ends up being worth it...right? Well, most of the time. That's where it gets complicated.

Lately, I've been trying to be more vulnerable with people because that's how I can start building meaningful relationships. It's worth it, right? Debatable. As scary as it is, I keep pushing myself to take the risk of vulnerability because once you have a relationship that impacts your life so greatly in the best ways possible, it shows that it's worth the risk to feel that.

Though, I feel like people only recognize and talk about vulnerability within relationships when it drastically works or doesn't work: marriage, best friends, divorce, break up, etc-but what about those in-between? What about those relationships where we start being vulnerable, and right as we let our walls down, they leave? Why don't we ever talk about those?

Those relationships are beyond crucial to recognize because even though they aren’t as drastic as a break-up or divorce, they build our subconscious foundations that will carry into later relationships. Beginning to become vulnerable around someone is tremendously difficult. In my opinion, the process is the most strenuous part. In the process, we are unsure - Can I trust them? Or should I not? It is scary - we really don't know. Sometimes that trust never gets formed. Sometimes we are working to be vulnerable, and things happen - they turn on us, they distrust us, they whatever. Whatever it may be, they turned on us when we were finally working to be vulnerable with them - something that was so hard for us to begin with. It then puts us back into the cycle of not letting people in because we finally tried again, and it failed. It is discouraging. It sucks. It really does, trust me, I feel that.

When someone turns on us, it is terrible, but we have to look at it from a different perspective. Think of it as ‘I'm glad this was shut down before I was in too deep', taking the hint from the world that maybe this person doesn't deserve to be in your life. We can even look at it from the perspective of ‘yeah I am hurt and this sucks, but it's only going to make the successful relationships that much more meaningful’. Work through these trials and errors. We have to continue to take the risk of vulnerability because one day we'll take the risk and someone won’t fail us - they will make that risk worth it.

One day someone will come into your life who will do anything for you, but that only can happen if you take the initial risk of vulnerability. Because as you become more and more vulnerable, your relationship with someone becomes stronger and stronger. Vulnerability may be a risk, but the right people will make it worth it. Hang in there and keep putting your true self out there because one day it will pay off, and one day someone will appreciate your vulnerability, making the risk worth every last bit.

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